A Quarantine Of the Heart
God can heal a broken heart, but He has to have all the pieces.
chinese Fortune cookie
To the one who’s been practicing “emotional distancing”,
No mayor, governor, or public health official is going to advise this kind of preventative measure. Unless “falling in love” is the thing you’re trying to avoid. Oh how those three little words scare you so. You thought you were getting used to it by now. There was Guy 1. With him and for him, you began the work of digging into those parts of your past that had left you cowering, afraid to fully come face to face with another. And then Guy 2 who was probably The Guy for the longest time until you decided to move on. You didn’t learn anything new about yourself with this one. For him, your heart waited. And maybe it’s still waiting? Finally, Guy 3. Well that one was a mess. You pretty much treated him as if he could be your Guy 2 in some ideal universe. Not a smart move. At the end of the day, you were convinced that each of them was better off without having met you. So your heart retreated, took a step back, isolating itself.
Why? Rewind the tape and you’ll see that before there was a Guy 1, 2 or 3, there was Mom and Dad, the authors of your very being, and also the ones who, with their mistakes and misfortunes, bruised up the heart of their only daughter. What to do with all that remains of an imperfect heart? Keep others far, far, away. You thought that was best. It’s not that you didn’t want to get hurt anymore. You could deal with that. It’s that you feared hurting another with all that you weren’t and couldn’t be. Look at you worrying about others from afar while sitting there on your own, bandaging up your wounds and sores. That’s not how love works. Love is a thing divine which means that for humans, it’s always in the process of becoming complete, deepening in the ups and downs we endure with one another. Together. And yes, pain will play a part. However, you’ve buried your pain, concealed it as if it doesn’t matter, in some masochistic attempt to become everyone’s savior.
The “emotional distancing” and self-quarantine—it’s a preventative measure. Temporary. Humans don’t live in isolation forever. They can’t. No matter how introverted they may be. Let your healing process begin. Let the bleeding stop. The wounds you keep hiding behind? Let them heal. There may be scabs, you know those crusty things you’re not supposed to pick at? Yea, they’ll begin to form, but with time, they’ll fall off. And then you might seem good as new. Guy 4 or Friend or Family or Whoever may not see or know what’s been going on this entire time, so it’s up to you—to speak up, shape the story, create the narrative and then wait. Let them listen. And let them love you. That last part—the letting them love you—can’t be done if you’re keeping the world at a minimum of 6 feet. So the CAUTION tape warning anyone and everyone from coming too close will have to go. It’s not as easy as 1, 2, 3, so take your time. Take your time being human because there’s a God who can handle the rest.
Sincerely, Esther
