Hurt People Hurt

To the daughter who’s been hurt by the mother who’s been hurting,

The verb “to hurt” exists in two forms. Within a lifetime, we become either the source of one’s pain, perhaps even our own, or the object receiving it.

hurt (transitive): to cause physical, mental, or emotional pain or injury
That you had hurt your mom—resurrecting emotional wounds of the past—in defending your brother was something you hadn’t considered. That your mom was intemperate with her rage and irrational with her judgement was something you weren’t prepared for. That the wounds, the rage, and the judgement were coming from a heart shattered by decades of disappointment, defeat, and setback after setback was something you’d come to realize.

hurt (intransitive): to feel or suffer bodily or mental pain or distress
Hurt people hurt—a palindromic expression of things as they were. You were hurt, but she was the hurt person. And by inflicting pain upon others, maybe she was hoping to restore the unsteadiness inside of her. Maybe. Pain is powerful—it can distort that which is true and completely obliterate that which is good. But you want to believe that love can offer something greater—a place like home, somewhere safe that welcomes you in, whoever you are and wherever you’ve been. You want to be that safe place for your Mom. You’re not quite there yet. But you’re taking the steps. And making the moves. Because it never hurts to try.

Sincerely, Esther