Pick A Side, Any Side

To a daughter of divorce,

A new covenant was written into existence once the signature hit the dotted line. “Legally separated” now a word of the past. “Divorce” being the word to dictate present and future. Hope for reconciliation—gone. Desire to fix a tattered marriage—abandoned. And then came a burden you never asked for. One you’re still figuring out how to carry.

Where are you now? Caught between a rock and a hard place. Trite but accurate. When things are going well with Mom, matters just have to turn sour with Dad. You can’t have the love, joy, peace of Mom and Dad because their definitions of love, joy, peace directly oppose each other. Which makes you wonder why they ever got married to begin with. Once upon a time, opposites did attract. So now you, their beloved child, are stuck in the middle of it all—synthesizing arguments, harmonizing differences, running to and fro. He said, she said. Feels like you’re taking a test, but one you’ll never pass. She said, he said. Playing a game, but one you’ll never win. Silence. And as hard as you try, try, try, there’s not gonna be a reward at the end for effort.

1) There’s a lot of things you don’t know. 2) A lot of the things you don’t want to know. 3) A lot of things you’re forced to know. Your mind is constantly on edge, nervously cycling through those three realities. Weary. And the tears. They’re there, waiting to spill. But more times than not, your hardened head refuses to give in to your fragile heart. Frozen. To feel or not to feel. To show or not to show. What is the answer?

You’re waiting for the happily ever after. You’ve been waiting. Days, months, years, decades. Still waiting. Asking. Praying. There’s gotta be a silver lining, right? Something good is always within reach… Still waiting. Asking. Praying.

Sincerely, Esther