What Can You Do?

To a young lady who feels the need to be working harder than everyone else,

There’s a part of you that’s cut off from the rest—the sleepless engine part. And all it does is work. Asking the questions, “What’s next?”, “Where do I go?”, “What do you want?” Holding you accountable for fixing things and being number one. This part of you finds fault with the words: rest, peace, silence. Sometimes you’re aware of its existence. And other times you deceive yourself into believing that you’ve overcome this obstructive side of you.

So when your doctor-therapist-counselor bluntly asked, “What can you do?”, you panicked, stumbled, and unsteady because you could sense something hidden within the question. He wasn’t asking for your resume of achievements. Instead, subtly suggesting that while there’s no question about how much you can do and how well you can do it, the things you’ve been doing may not have been yours to do. You’ve done a lot. If affirmation of that is what you need, here it is. You’ve played the part of daughter, sister, child, student, helper, giver, etc. Many roles and you’ve successfully tailored your body’s measurements to fit neatly into them all. Well done.

But it’s time to leave those form-fitting roles behind because there’s a world that’s waiting for an Esther in her purest form, stripped of all the masks and costumes. “What can you do?” You can be the young lady with the wandering and curious mind, who asks all the questions she wants, looking for quizzical faces more than answers. Bother. Upset. Annoy. You don’t have to please them all. You can put that sleepless engine to sleep. You can stop feeling regret for giving up on the situation between Mom and Dad. Remember, the responsibility to mend things may not have been yours to begin with. You can (fill in the blank). Let your imagination run wild and free.

Sincerely, Esther